Becoming One

 

Over the past month I have really been thinking about the importance of a name.  In the dictionary, the definition of a name is “A word or set of words by which a person is addressed or referred to”. Having a name distinguishes us from everyone else. Your name is so much more than something you are called. It is part of your identity in this world. When people hear your name, they remember how you act, what your personality is, and how you have made them feel in the past.

In my life I go by a couple names. The first is my given name, Chelsea. This is what most people know me by. It is on by ID, my birth certificate, and I put it on every one of my class assignments. The second name I am known by is Sox. Anyone associated with Brighton know me by this name.

While working at Brighton Camp, every staff member has a nickname that they go by and the campers don't get to find out our real names until Fridays. Our camp names become a part of us in ways that cannot be explained. This name follows you the rest of your life. Whenever you are around the staff either at camp or just hanging out at home you go by this name. At home my name is Chelsea, but as soon as my feet hit the camp grounds my name is Sox and I rarely reply to my real name.

This year I have noticed that I am two different people with these names. When I am Chelsea, I think more about myself. I worry about my future, my achievements, my challenges, my education, etc. My thoughts are focused a little more on worldly things and most of my actions are done so I can be successful. I am reserved, quiet, and more aware of what others think about me. But, when I am Sox, everything I do is for others. I think about others' needs, their problems, their successes, their challenges, etc. As soon as I wake up in the morning, I pray that I will help everyone in need and I will be able to be an instrument in the Lord's hands. I completely forget about myself and my silly little problems and I do everything in my power to be there for anyone who is in need of help. Sometimes I even forget to eat or sleep because I am trying so hard to focus on others. I am also much more crazy and outgoing. I don’t care what others think about me and I am quicker to act on promptings.

When camp comes to an end each summer, I have a hard time making “Sox” and “Chelsea” one person. In a world that is so individualistic I find myself becoming a little more focused on unnecessary things of this world. I suddenly start to care what others think of me. My guard and those walls I spent all summer knocking down are built again within a matter of days. So, how do I make the fun, outgoing “Sox” become one with the quiet, reserved “Chelsea”? It’s been three years since I started working at camp and I am still finding the answer to this question.

Here are the answers that I have found… I have changed. Every summer that has come to a close has changed me for the better. I have found that confidence to walk out of a conversation that I don’t agree with, I have found the blessings in standing strong for my values and I am not afraid to turn off that movie with my friends or to switch the radio station. I know how it feels to have the spirit with me at all times and I strive harder and harder each year to keep that feeling with me every minute of every day. I am more diligent in my scripture study. I often lose track of time as I read and ponder the words in the Book of Mormon and in conference talks. “Chelsea” and “Sox” are becoming one, it just takes a lot of time and a lot of work.

In a world that is changing so fast, I know that I have been prepared to serve in this world a little better than I did the day before. I know that as I continue to strive to be the person I am at camp that I am slowly improving. It is not a quick process and I am sure most people don’t notice, and most of the time I don’t notice the change in myself, but I know that the Lord notices and He is helping me become better and better every day.

Friends, I urge you to continue to strive to be your best self. “Try a little harder, to be a little better” (President Hinckley). Pray daily to be better than you were the day before. I promise that the Lord sees your efforts and as long as you are doing your best, He will help you with the rest.

Until next time

Finish What I Started

So, this summer as camp has ended and as I look back, it has been a summer of hard work, fun, tender mercies, miracles, laughter, and blessings. There have been tears, smiles, confusion, laughter, and little amounts of sleep. As I got home each weekend, I would sometimes be told, "you look exhausted. How do you function at camp?" or "Wow, this week must have been rough." I have also gotten asked "Why do you keep coming back to camp when it is so much work for so little pay? Would you do it again?"

Well friends, I hope this post helps you understand what my summer (and my past few summers) have consisted of. I guess I will start by answering each of the above statements... Yes, I look exhausted because I am exhausted! You try taking care of up to 180 campers and 38 staff members for an entire summer. I wouldn't be doing my job right if I wasn't exhausted on the weekends.... How do I function at camp? Well, when you have so much to do, you learn to rely on the Lord 100% of the time. When you are with the campers, the Lord blesses you with energy. You always have the energy to do what the Lord needs you to so that these campers can learn to become closer to Him.

The last question deserves its own paragraph... "Why do I keep coming back and would I do it again?" I keep coming back because I am changed for the better every year. I become a better person and I become closer to the Lord. I come back because it has become my home. When I am at Brighton I feel completely safe. I gain 50 new sisters and best friends that I can rely on 100%. I get a chance to serve with all of my might, mind, and heart. I get to share my testimony with anyone and everyone I come in contact with. I get to help campers as well as staff build their testimonies and their relationship with their Heavenly Father. I get to make a difference in the life of at least one young woman and I get to do it while having fun! Would I do it again? YES!!!! I would do this over and over again in a heartbeat. This may not make sense unless you have been up to camp, but trust me, Brighton changes lives. It has changed my life in SO many ways and I can never repay the blessings Brighton has given me. I am a completely different person than I was in 2011. And I owe it all to Brighton.

Although camp is over, I will probably continue to share camp stories as they come to mind... Camp ended this past Saturday and it completely broke my heart. Thoughts have been racing through my mind about if I did enough... Did I listen and act on every prompting? Did I try my hardest? Did I touch the people I was supposed to influence? Did I make an impact on anyone? Well, these questions will not leave my mind and it really becomes a burden. But, there is no turning back. There is only the hope that I will get more opportunities to serve and make a difference.

As I drove home tonight after spending the day with some of my Brighton family, I was thinking about some events that happened this summer and one specific week and event stuck out in my mind and I would like to share it with you... A couple weeks ago one of our staff members twisted her ankle and she had to go down to the valley to make sure everything was alright. As her campers sat at breakfast, I felt like I should eat with them and get to know them better. I didn't really understand why since we have extra staff to do this and I wouldn't even be going on their hike with them, but I joined them anyways. I loved this opportunity and I instantly fell in love with those girls... After their hike, their counselor came back and she explained that she would not be able to climb up the ladder and stand on the zipline platform later that day to send her girls down.

Zipline can be scary and it is best for some girls if they know and trust the person who is sending them down (which is why counselors do it). Suddenly, I knew why I felt like I had to eat breakfast with them earlier that day. I quickly cleared my schedule and headed up with their unit to help at zipline. It was such a tender mercy to feel like a counselor again and to send those girls down. I was even able to teach them a song and I got to know them so much better. I got to adopt this unit and help them feel my love for them, this camp, and my Savior. What a blessing!

One Wednesday, this unit was one of the groups that was going on overnighter with me. As we were hiking up to our camp spot, I felt like I should stop and ask if anyone needed help. I was not holding anything since someone brought my stuff up while I was helping the girls get packed up so I felt compelled to help anyone I could. As I turned around and asked if anyone needed help, I heard one voice out of the group say that her friend "M" was crying and struggling. This was one of the girls that I had sent down zipline and as I walked over to her she explained that her pack was really heavy and it was really hurting her shoulders. I instantly wanted to take this load from her so I told her that she should take off the pack and I would carry it the rest of the way. As I said this, she looked at me with tear-filled eyes and with determination and said, "No, I want to finish what I started. I am not going to give up and I want to make it to the top." Wow. She is incredible. Most campers would have gladly taken my offer. Instead of carrying her pack for her, I told her that I would walk behind her and help her hold up the pack so that I was carrying some of the weight.

As we made it to our campsite, and the girls were laying out their tarps, I saw "M" sitting on her pack, still crying... I knew something was wrong so I decided to go over and talk to her. She explained to me how she is not normally the one that needs help and she was embarrassed that she needed that help. We were able to have a wonderful discussion about this experience. I try to take every opportunity I can get to relate anything to the gospel. This may not be a big deal to you as you read this, but I learned so much about myself as well as life in general through this short time I had to serve "M".

The first thing I learned is that we need to have determination and faith in the Lord that you can finish hard tasks. It would have been so easy for her to take off that heavy pack and give it all to me. Instead, she pushed through and gave it her all. She finished what she started. It would be easy for us to always take the easy path. But remember that you can do hard things!
Second, I learned how our Heavenly Father feels when we are carrying our heavy loads. He longs to take the pain away. He waits for you to call Him and ask for His help and then He is right there with us. Although He would love to take our loads from us, He knows that It is for our good and He knows we can do it. He sees the determination in our eyes and He helps by holding some of the weight of our loads. He knows that we can finish what we have started and He is filled with joy when you make it to your destination.
Third, I learned about the Lord's hand in my life and to take every opportunity you receive to serve. Honestly, I was struggling with some of my own physical problems which made it hard for me to do anything, but as soon as I was called to help, the Lord eased my pain and gave me energy to help this camper. The Lord was there as soon as I stopped thinking about myself, He was there to help me. He was there all along, but I could feel Him closer as I served. My load was lightened as I was lightening her load.
Fourth, accept help from others. Just because you need help, doesn't mean you failed, it just means that you have people who care and you do not have to go through life alone. When you accept service from others, you receive the blessing of having that extra support and they get blessing from serving you. When you do not accept help and service from others, you are preventing extra blessings for yourself as well as others trying to help. I am FAR from perfect on this life lesson so maybe it is hypocritical for me to even have this section, but it is true and I am slowly learning it. In a world that expects you to be so independent, it is hard to ask and accept help from those around you. I am still working on this, but I know that service changes people. As I try to accept help from others more, I hope and pray that you will do the same.

As a result of this small event, I was able to build a strong relationship with this young woman. I was able to get to know her better and I got the wonderful blessing of spending time with her, her unit, and their counselor. This was an eye-opening experience and I learned so much about myself. I was also able to build a new relationship and friendship that may have never been made if I did not offer to serve.

One last thing before I end this long post.... I learned that I need to accept help and show my gratitude for those that serve me. Remember back at the start of this post when I said someone served me and carried my bag up to our campsite while I was helping campers pack up their stuff? Well, I was not happy about this... I was being very selfish and I did not want to accept help from anyone. Looking back, I feel really bad that I did not just simply accept this help and service. If I would have had my own bag, then serving "M" would have been a lot harder physically. I do not really want to post names on this blog, but this person knows who they are... So here is a shout out to you! Thank you SO much for your selfless service. It really did help and mean a lot to me. I am sorry that I did not express my gratitude and accept your service sooner. But it meant the world to me that you cared enough to take time out of your day to do that for me. I love you to the moon and back!

Well, until next time, remain tall and firm. And keep serving others!

Miracles, confidence, and trusting the Lord

So working at Brighton always brings new challenges that stretches your limits and this week definitely did this. I guess this calls for an explanation...

At camp we have an option for second year campers to go on an overnighter. This is where we meet Wednesday afternoon with our sleeping bags, tarps, and a few essentials and we take everything on a short hike to a camp spot. We lay out our tarps and sleeping bags, have a cookout for dinner, play some games, have testimony meeting, roast marshmallows over the fire, and sleep under the stars.

This week was my turn to be in charge of these girls which included a whopping 41 campers and 5 other staff members. Everything was running really smooth at the beginning. I had looked up the weather before we left and it said that there was a 20% chance of rain. As I prayed and asked if we should cancel this overnighter or not, I looked up to the sky and saw that it was clear. I felt like we should still go.

As we arrived to our location and as the campers were setting out their tarps and sleeping bags, it was beautiful outside except for the clouds of mosquitoes swarming around our heads. All of the staff decided to go off and say a prayer together. We asked for safety, and guidance. We asked that the storm would hold off until the next day so the girls could have the experience of sleeping under the stars. Lastly, we asked that the mosquitoes would be at a minimum so that they would not be a distraction from the spirit. This prayer may sound funny to you, but I have learned that if something matters to you, it matters to the Lord and we wanted this experience to be a good one for the campers.

 As we did our dutch oven cookout, everything was running great. We had one accident where campers spilled a bag of potatoes all over the rock so we had to go back to camp and get more, but other than that everything was great. Some staff even brought some top ramen to cook and share so the campers could have more food. When the cookout ended, the sky was still clear and we decided to play some games with the campers before breaking off and having testimony meeting. This also went great and I felt like I was really bonding with the girls. I felt like I was a counselor again and I loved it!

 16 dutch ovens + 1 rock = Only at Brighton

It was now time for each counselor to break off with their unit for testimony meeting. Each counselor picked a nearby spot to hold their testimony meeting with their girls and reported back to me so that I would know where they were in case of an emergency. As they were all heading to their chosen locations, one unit of girls came running to me and yelling that there was a moose just up the hill from where we were. I quickly got all of the campers' attention and had them sit silently on a big rock while me and the other counselors kept a close eye on the moose and where it was walking.

All of the girls silently sitting on the rock while the moose was nearby

As I continued to watch the moose come closer and closer to camp, I had a thought that if it walks in front of the girls that one of them was going to scream and startle the moose. I knew we had to get the girls off of that rock and down the trail. I also knew that there would be a possibility that the moose would go down the trail, but I knew that I had a plan. They could either be sent straight back to camp or they could hide within the nearby trees. These girls were so cooperative. They silently followed two of the counselors down the trail, making sure each girl was calm and safe. Now it was my job to watch and wait to see what will happen next.The moose walked directly through camp, stepping on sleeping bags and tarps while eating the nearby leaves. I continued to follow it as it left camp and the girls were able to silently come back to camp. 

When the girls left our camp site and headed down the trail while the moose was in camp, I suddenly noticed clouds of mosquitoes swarming all around. I was constantly swatting at them and they were so distracting! This is when me and the other counselors realized that Heavenly Father answered our prayers. When the girls were at camp, there were hardly any mosquitoes, but as soon as they left, they were all over. As soon as they came back, the mosquitoes were gone again. it was like Heavenly Father put an invisible shield around our camp site so that the girls could feel to spirit without getting distracted by the swarming bugs. What a miracle! 

When the campers did come back, there was a completely different feeling and atmosphere than when they were about to start testimony meeting before the moose incident. Something had changed within these girls. As I talked to campers and the counselors after their testimony meetings, I soon found out what the girls had been doing while we were busy following the moose. They had all been praying. They prayed fervently to their Heavenly Father for their safety and for the Staff's safety. They had witnessed for themselves that their prayers were heard and answered. They felt peace in their hearts, trust in the Lord, as well as trust in the staff members that were working so hard to take care of them and keep them safe. 

After our testimony meeting, we sat around a campfire roasting marshmallows and just hanging out. When we felt it was time to go to bed, the staff started to sing quiet camp songs and other church songs. As we sang to the girls and some of them joined in, the feeling of the spirit was so tangible and we could feel the Saviors love for these sweet girls. 

Around 1AM, all of the girls were fast asleep and I was sitting on the rock with two other counselors just relaxing and talking. Right before we went to bed, I looked up at the sky and noticed that it was still crystal clear with all of the stars shining brightly above my head. I said a silent prayer asking if we should go back to camp and asking for these girls' safety as they slept. I still felt like we should stay. Then, we got into our sleeping bags and I tried to fall asleep. Sleep never came to me since I was very uncomfortable and I was just wide awake. I couldn't understand why I couldn't fall asleep and I just kept thinking that it was going to be a very long night... 

Around 2AM, me and another counselor noticed some lightning in the distance. We couldn't hear any thunder and I didn't feel the need to wake everyone up an go back to camp. We decided that we would try to wait until 6AM before we would wake the girls up and head back to camp. As I continued to lay there wide awake, I saw clouds slowly start to roll in. At 3AM, lightning light up the sky. I jumped up out of my sleeping bag and told all of the counselors that we had to get back to camp as quickly as possible. Everyone went to action. It was amazing how the other counselors automatically knew what to do. They quickly and easily woke up all of the girls as I told all of them to grab their bags, sleeping bags and tarps. Even though they were half asleep, they quickly did as they were told. 

Through all of this chaos and the quick decisions I had to make, I constantly heard campers ask each other "who needs help" or "how can I help you". This was so selfless of them! They could have just been worried about themselves and their safety, but they were so willing to help each other. A couple counselors quickly lead them back to camp as I secured the things we were leaving behind and as I grabbed all of our garbage and food bags. By this time, I was soaking wet, but I didn't even notice how wet and cold I was. I was only worried about the campers and other staff. 

While I walked down the trail, praying the entire time for safety, I was also communicating with the other two directors about what was going on through our walkie talkies. When I had time to think, I started to question myself. Why didn't I have them leave earlier? Did I miss or ignore a prompting? Then, I became angry and discouraged with myself thinking, "I just put 41 campers and 5 staff members in danger". Then the tears came... I was wet, cold, tired, worried, discouraged, and sorry. Thank goodness all of the counselors and staff made it back to camp safely. I made the decision to leave at 3AM and all of the campers were in their cabins by 3:18AM. What a miracle! But, I didn't see this miracle. All I was worried about was my relationship with my Heavenly Father. The tears kept coming and I was flooded with discouragement and disappointment in myself as I spent the next half hour running from cabin to cabin making sure everyone was safe and accounted for. 

When I got to my room, our heater had been turned on and I finally realized how cold and wet I was. Sleep still did not come. As I listened to the pouring rain and the thunder that literally shook my bed, I tearfully played back the events of the night, trying to recall when I may have missed a prompting to go back to camp. Then, I began to pray. I apologized to my Father in Heaven for being a bad leader and for putting so many girls in danger. I prayed for remembrance of exactly when I may have missed a prompting. I thanked Him for keeping us safe. I made many many promises to Him about how I would change myself and how I would work harder to become the assistant director that He expected me to be. Lastly, I prayed for comfort from my discouragement, energy for the next day, and sleep for the rest of the night. Well, sleep finally came 15 minutes before our alarm went off to wake up for the day.... Great... 

Every Thursday night, the staff gets together and we reflect on the tender mercies that had happened throughout the week and we are invited to share with everyone if we feel like it.I was still upset with myself and the events that had occurred the previous night so I was not paying close attention until one counselor that shared was one of the counselors that was on the overnighter. She shared that the rain was her tender mercy because it united her girls more. They learned how to follow instruction and help each other. Another counselor shared about how overnighter was the highlight of her campers' week. She shared how her girls testimonies were strengthened and their relationship with the Lord was becoming stronger. I was beginning to realize that the past events were all part of the Lord's plan.

As I look back, I cannot pinpoint a moment when I had missed a prompting to go back to camp. The spirit was so strong the entire time there that it was almost tangible. Heavenly Father's hand was at this overnighter and He had a plan. There really were so many blessings and miracles from this night. The mosquitoes were not a problem at all. They were safe from the moose and the staff knew exactly what to do. The girls were cooperative and positive the entire time. We were able to wake up the girls quickly. And the girls got back to camp safely before it started to rain too hard and before the lightning was too close for comfort. The Lord held off the storm long enough for the girls to be safe. 

Although I am still kicking myself for putting these girls in danger, this night strengthened my testimony so much. My relationship with my Heavenly Father has been strengthened and I have learned to have more confidence in myself and my leadership abilities. I have learned to trust the Lord and to know that He has a plan. For some reason, we were supposed to stay at that camp spot until 3AM. People may lecture me or they may think that I made the wrong decision, but I know in my heart and I am accepting that I did make the right decisions. The Lord guided me the entire time and He helped me make decisions and devise plans to keep His daughters safe. This was hard for me to learn, but I wouldn't change this experience for anything. 

The Lord truly is in our lives. He has a plan for each of us and He will be there every step of the way. I am thankful for this experience. I am thankful for the staff that willingly and selflessly helped me and the campers. I know that miracles happen everywhere and that prayers are heard and answered. All you have to do is look for them. I challenge you to look for the good in everything and I promise you will begin to see miracles just like I have while serving at camp this summer. 

 

Still Small Voice

     This summer I am working at an LDS girls' camp for the third year in a row. The past two summers were spent as a camp counselor which absolutely changed my life. This year I am blessed to be the 1st Assistant/Program Director. Although I will not have my own group of girls this year (which sometimes breaks my heart), I get the opportunity to be the "fun aunt" to these cute young women.
    People keep asking me how I knew that I would be blessed to work at camp for a third year so here is my story... As I sat in the dining hall on our last day of camp last year, barely able to keep my eyes open, our camp president announced some changes for the following year. There would be 3 directors next year. One director, and two assistant/program directors (APD). My heart was full and I heard a still small voice in my head telling me that I was going to be one of the APDs. Was this the feeling of the spirit or was it just my mind and emotions? I couldn't tell... As I went back to school, the thought of this moment kept coming to my mind. I couldn't get Brighton Camp out of my head and it was driving me absolutely crazy. I decided that I would go to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple to clear my mind. Well, that didn't work since I saw a group of 8 young women who had come up to camp that past summer and recognized me... I guess that was another answer...
     At school, I kept praying to my Heavenly Father about applying for camp. How would it even be possible for me to have this position? I currently had a meager $50 dollars in my account which had to be used for practical things such as food and school tuition. How in the world would I be able to have the means to travel back and forth from Cedar City to Salt Lake every weekend to plan an entire girls camp? How would I have time? I would be taking 18 credit hours, plus institute. On weekends, I would be busy driving across the state as well as spending my time in meetings. I kept telling my Heavenly Father that I could not apply for that position. It just wasn't going to be possible. Silly me...
     In my prayers, this subject would almost always come up and I would beg to be a counselor again. I knew that job, it was less of a time commitment, and I love the girls. I REALLY wanted to be at camp, but I was scared. One night, as I was praying and telling my Heavenly Father the reasons why I couldn't be an APD (again), I heard a small voice in my head saying "I can handle those things. Don't worry and I will help you. Apply for APD". Wow....
     The next day in my classes a certain camp song called "Step forth" was stuck in my head. The chorus says:

"Step forth my child, Trust my arms.
Though you cannot see, I can see you clear.
Through this step of faith you'll see, I will catch you and carry you home."

     This was definitely another obvious answer to my prayers, so after class I went straight to the library to print out my application. I was still a little stubborn and doubtful in my abilities and the Lord's abilities, so I checked the boxes for counselor and APD...
     The weeks went by and thoughts of doubt kept filling my mind. I finally had an interview date and time and I was doing all I could to prepare. At this point, my heart had been softened.I prayed more fervently. I made promises with my Heavenly Father of things I would do for Him if I got the opportunity to work at camp for a third summer. I wanted to glow with my Heavenly Father's love. I wanted to teach the gospel. I wanted to serve. I was ready. Now, I was only afraid of rejection... Long story short, I got the position of being APD...
     As I sit and recall these moments, and the journey of this past semester, I really can see the Lord's hand was in my life at all times. 1) I had money in my account at all times. I had enough for food, books, and gas. I even had extra. 2) Some of my class times had been changed so I only had one class on Monday from 2-3:15 and I had no classes on Friday which meant that I had longer weekends available for studying and/or traveling. 3) My grades remained high. Although I didn't have as much time to study, knowledge would enter my mind and I easily recalled the information for exams. I can't say that that semester was easy because it wasn't. It was hard especially when people at school questioned why I accepted this position, but I knew it was right.
     Through this entire process I have learned so much about myself and my Father in Heaven. 1) He keeps His promises. 2) You can do anything with the Lord by your side. 3) TRUST Him and His plan for you... Most of all, I have learned that when you put the Lord first in your life, he will guide and direct your path. Everything will fall into place and His had WILL be in your life. He knows you better than you know yourself.
     So, next time you receive a prompting to do something (whether great or small), go out and do it right away. Don't argue with the Lord. Don't make up reasons why it won't work. Just have faith and take that step. He will catch you EVERY time.